Not Quite Healed, ways to help the sexually abused….and there are far too many of them – even in our churches.

Researchers have found that 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects. (https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/). Furthermore, men are generally so ashamed of their abuse, they too often never tell.

Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident; http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics  Again, self-report! How many fear telling?

As a college dean, I nearly left my job when six young women came to me separately and in a short period of time, relating their stories of sexual abuse within their Christian families and churches.  It seemed too great a burden, one that broke my heart and was outside of my early training. My colleague, the Dean of Men, could tell you similar stories.  The challenge was finding tools to help them.

Cecil Murphrey was one of the writers at the Montrose Christian Writers Conference, and he wrote, with Gary Roe, Not Quite Healed, 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Both men experienced childhood sexual abuse, but could not face nor deal with it until they were some decades distant from it.  As I read their stories, I could not help but think this is not just a book for men, it is a book for female abuse victims as well, for the families of abuse victims, and for people-helpers of any stripe.

Reading the book is like overhearing a dialogue as the two men share their stories, the long-term consequences of their abuse and what helped bring about the healing process. The 40 truths the title refers to include such topics as these: Why was I victimized? Where was God? Why do I feel responsible for others? Why did I believe the lies? Why do I need to forgive? And Why is forgiving so difficult?

I finished reading the book yesterday, and felt like I was a steward of all of the helpful information…especially knowing that the abuse of children has not stopped, and that there are far too many adults still suffering the consequences of their own abuse. 

So, if you have never experienced sexual abuse, praise God, but learn how you can be of help to those who have.  And if you have experienced sexual abuse, unwanted touches, childhood exposure to pornography (not that any exposure to pornography is not harmful), pressure to engage in sexual activity as a child, you will find this book helpful. 

The evil one has used shame, undeserved shame, for too long to keep abuse victims in prison, fearing that if they tell, they will certainly experience rejection and hurt others, and that does happen still. Nonetheless, the story does not have to end there.  It is true that everyone is not able to provide the help these hurting people need, but read this book, and be one of those who will help open the door to breaking down the shame lie and to healing and wholeness.  And once you have read the book, don’t think you have to go looking for people to help.  When the time is right, God will bring them to you..