So, here's my shower gift!! and the truth!

Someone bought the house next to us, and the new owner is hard at work every spare moment, hammering and sanding and drilling and ripping out and building back up, creating a new house for him and his wife.  Soon, his wife will bring in their wedding picture, flowers and favorite pillows and turn this new house into a home, their home.

As I listened to the endless brrrr of the sander one day, it occurred to me how much work people put into getting their house just right, and that made me think about the big bucks and endless planning people put into getting the wedding just right – grand and beautiful decorations, moving music, gloriously attired bride and groom and the best refreshments.  Months and months, and in some cases years of preparation go into an event that lasts mere hours.

All of that made me ponder how much preparation goes into that which lasts much longer, the marriage. We spent an hour with our pastor, and I remember very little of that.  My mother reminded me that marriage was forever, and that I shouldn’t plan on coming home without Jim. That was our premarital counseling. I understand some pastors require a few weeks (read that three or four meetings) of premarital education.  From all that I can gather, those sessions are led by men and deal with budgeting and recognition of who is going to be the “buck stops here” person and what the wedding ceremony will look like.

But who tells the young couple the truth – that marriage is hard work because you are combining under one roof oil and vinegar? And they generally do not stay mixed up, at least without a lot of shaking. Read that attention to each other and willingness to see things from the other’s perspective and make compromises.  Marriages cannot succeed if she thinks he can read her mind, and functions that way.  It cannot succeed if he thinks he can relax now, and stop pursuing  her.  Now he just has to support her.

Marriage can be very fragile, like trying to keep a match lit on a windy day, or it can be strong and powerful like the mountain of fire we call a volcano.  I don’t believe God designed marriage to be an endurance contest, two people living under one roof.  I think marriage is meant to begin like the embers of a fire that requires feeding to keep it alive.  Sometimes the flames leap up with laughter and excitement, but most of the time, it burns on sweetly and comfortingly as each marriage partner seeks to bless the other.

So here’s my shower gift: marriage is built on the kind of love that seeks the best in and for the partner, and that requires some serious selflessness.  So, if that’s not where you are, then you better get busy and do something about it.  It’s been nearly five decades now, and I can tell you from experience, all the effort is worth it. And I will admit, it has required some serious work because we are human!