John 12:25-27 He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and that where I am, there shall my servant be: if any man serve me him will my Father honor. Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour.
I have settled into the book of John this Easter season, spending a couple of weeks at the end of John. Did you ever notice the difference between the way John ends his book, his gospel and the way Matthew, Mark and Luke do? John ends his with words about Jesus, his beloved friend. I think the others end theirs more impersonally, about Christ's words to them and about them.
Anyway, I decided this week, the Holy Week, as it is often called, I would go back to that week in John are reread the events as John recorded them. First I was surprised to notice that of the 21 chapters in the book, just under half of the chapters are about the final week. It must have been so fresh in John's mind, still so powerful, that when he wrote his gospel although he had year's worth of events to write about, these events were most important.
Chapter 12 begins with the dating of the chapter - six days before the Passover. Six days before the crucifixion. It appears that Christ was crucified on the Passover, a fulfillment of what the Passover symbolized, the value of a blood sacrific to covwer sin, to redeem God's chosen people. But think about Him that day, waking up and knowing what was ahead. The parade, the palm leaves, the knowledge of the shallowness and the brevity of that worship. He knew it all. He felt it all, just as we feel the pain of something ahead that we know will hurt.
As He says these words that John hears and records for us, Jesus knew experientially the truth of every phrase He uttered. He knew that loving His own life and well-being could cost not only His life, but our lives. I've been thinking a lot about how we mentor and disciple without any kind of formal relationship. How there are people all around us watching how we do it, so they can learn how to do, or perhaps not to do something. So Christ shows us here how to hate our lives, how to serve God rather than self.
But this morning, maybe three days before the anniversary of the crucifixion, I think about how Jesus was troubled. He knew all about the horrors soon to be visited upon Him for you and for me. And He wrestled with it, bringing to mind Hebrews 4: 15, But we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities; but which was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
And I am both comforted and challenged by His prayer here in John. He was tempted in a way I never will be, and He turned to the Father, and in honesty expressed His need. And then He went out and did it. So I need to pour out my heart in honesty, express all of my need, and then live life in absolute confidence that God will not allow me more than He and I can experience, yet without sin.
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