Six couples got divorced!
These were not just any couples, but couples we had in our home, couples
from our Sunday School class and church and even, attended Bible College with. But their marriages failed, and it stunned me
that this could happen to Christian couples. So, I started paying attention to
why it happened.
You know how after you have been married a few years, it
may become too easy to take each other for granted since you have grown comfortable
with each other. The energy and passion
of the pursuit is over, and kids come, and you may feel like you are in a dry
rut. Unless, someone else starts
complimenting you, whether you are a husband or a wife! I saw this happen to couples in my church –
she had been a stay- at- home mom until they felt financially she must go back
to work. Now, I am not against women working, but I think we need to pay
attention to what is happening, besides the going to work.Those husbands had gotten so distracted as providers, that their focus centered on the job, and at the end of the day, on getting some peace and quiet, not on noticing or appreciating their wives. Herein lies the real problem, lack of communication. She failed to say, and he failed to hear, how much she needed his attention, his words of affirmation and appreciation. Unfortunately, she did find those words at work. Suddenly these women felt attractive and sexy again, appreciated by men who might or might not have her best interests at heart. And instead of talking about what happened at work, the temptation she was experiencing, it became her secret, and secrets from our mates are never a good thing.
The reality is that it becomes too easy to become a
different person at work – the one who dresses to be appreciated, dressing up
outside, different from the sweats and stained tee shirts she might wear at
home. Hubby may walk out the door
remembering her as still asleep or in her robe, yet unbathed, while the women at
work spend an hour on their appearance before they leave the house. Sounds harsh, but it is reality. We forget that we are sending our husbands
out to a world that cares little about the ring on his finger. And if he is a good listener, in a helping
career, the women he helps may soon transfer their allegiance from what they perceive as heartless husbands at
home, to this kind and caring and listening man…and ladies, that was the very scenario
experienced by others of our friends.
These men did not set out to be unfaithful, but their wives
had stopped being their husbands’ lovers, nourishing their men, not just
sexually, but spiritually and emotionally and intellectually. And someone else stepped into the
vacancy. This is why I believe God’s
design was for women to teach (counsel) women.
The bottom line is
some infidelity can be headed off at the beginning, by honest communication
of our needs, by creating the kind of space where you can talk about these
things without falling apart in tears. And, we have to avoid temptation. I think women notice earlier when they are
being pursued, but I think men ought also be careful to avoid situations where
their attention could be misunderstood. At work, be careful about touching each
other, and be careful of conversations,
meaningful conversations taking place with a member of the opposite sex. From such little embers, great fires grow.
Great thoughts. I was told by a friend in high school (jokingly at the time, but I have never forgotten it): 'If the grass looks greener on the other side, it's just because there's more poop in it." I have found that to be considerably wiser than it first sounds. :)
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