I’ve been thinking about all the things we do to show our
lover that we love him, and it occurred to me that there is another question
that must be answered, and they kind of
go together.
We love our husbands because first, we can’t help it. Somehow it kind of happened. We saw him, met
him, got to know him and about him, and began to develop an affection for him,
an appreciation for who he was and could be…and we liked how we felt with him,
how he made us feel. And at some time,
we determined that we could see ourselves spending our life with him. We use the word love, and we gave it to him
and with those words, “I love you,” made an unspoken commitment to him, that we
would give ourselves and our love only to him, this unique man/woman love.
As a Christian, at least the readers here, we learn that we
are to continue to love him, to show him our affection, to love him in a way
that he feels loved. Our culture
however, has a different take on all of this – love him until he no longer
makes you happy. Then start over. Wow, as I think about that I see a whole lot
of pain and misery and insecurity and anxiety, to be repeated over and over,
because there is no one person who will ever meet all of our needs, who will
never disappoint us at least a few times.
Remember, we are imperfect and selfish beings to begin with. But God’s plan, love each other, commit to
each other, keep showing love to each other, essentially work at it, seems a
much better plan.
However, I know my saying so doesn’t make it so, nor does it
convince everyone. As I thought about
that, I wondered if some of those relationship failures happen because of
another relationship failure – our relationship with God. Since I know we can take other human beings
for granted, ask any mother, I wonder if we can take God for granted and begin
to drift away from Him…finally getting so far from Him that we no longer
recognize His voice.
Andrew Murray said this,” However, it is true that it is
impossible to live our daily Christian life, or maintain a walk in the leading
and power of the Holy Spirit, without a daily, close fellowship with God.” A few years ago I saw stats about the most
satisfying marriages – fascinating stats, the couple who worship together and
who pray together, have the most satisfying marriages, including the best
sex. Hmmm, it looks like there is a
relationship between a couples’ relationship with God and their relationship
with each other. Could that mean that if
we want the one, a happy and fulfilling marriage, we must first have a happy
and fulfilling relationship with God?
And do we need to encourage young Christian women to put perhaps more
serious thought into how He relates to God than how “hot” he is?
Recently I have seen the words “hot” or “studly” used to
describe Christian guys on facebook, and it made me sad, especially because I
can’t remember when I saw anyone post anything about how much a guy loved God,
how a guy is a great spiritual leader.
Older women post about their “hot” husbands and I wonder what message
they are giving young women, that “hot” is more important than godly. And I wonder
what thoughts they put in the minds of their readers; somehow it doesn’t seem
to me that it points them in a good direction.
Should young women think about how "hot" their pastor is, for example? Wouldn’t it be more important to share how he continues to guide their
family in godly ways, or he continues to be a good husband loving her as Christ
loved the church and gave Himself for it…well, you get my train of thought, and my struggle just now.
Carol, I have a little different perspective on married women using "hot" to describe their husbands. (I am sure you are not surprised. :) ). For many years I have worked with young women who feel trapped by the conventional ideas about attractiveness. They have been convinced by their culture that anyone who does not fit the mold of skinny and young and fit cannot truly be attractive to anyone. Indeed, many have marveled about how old people can still be sexually drawn to each other. I want them to understand that the love I have for my husband, like what you aptly described above, makes him physically attractive to me--regardless of his weight, or the amount of hair on his head. I think that Song of Solomon and Proverbs 5:19 reinforce the idea that being sexually enamored with each other is a lifetime goal for believers, beyond our appreciation for what they do or how they serve God.
ReplyDeleteSo for the same reason that my husband and I kiss passionately in front of our children, I rave in front of college students about how distracted I am by my husband's good looks. I want them to see a relationship that proves that our culturally imposed ideas of attraction are dead wrong.