Swimming with the grands….or Pride goeth before a depression!

Our son just moved his family a little closer to us, and of course, they needed us to come help unpack and be helpful. Naturally we hit the road last weekend and again this weekend. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that they have our youngest grandchildren still at home: Tommy is six and Adrienne is seven…and then they have a swimming pool too.  If you know me at all well, you know I love the water.  And when Jessica asked me if I would like to keep the kids occupied in the pool, so she could work, it took me seconds to get into my suit.

Little Tommy had been struggling to eat, and his mom, wise lady that she is, asked him how he was feeling, whether he was overwhelmed by the move and all the stuff in boxes and the changes.  It was so cool to hear him say yes, and watch her talk with him and comfort him, helping him put into words how he was feeling.

It made me think about how much pain and grief we carry around because we either can’t bring ourselves to admit it, does pride figure in here? Or, we won’t or can’t act on the good counsel we get?

I know that when I get down or anxious, it is because I am forgetting who I am - a child of God. He so moved in my life that I would hear the good news, that God loved me so much He sent His Son to suffer for my sins. He redeemed me, paying my sin debt.  The big thing though is God loves me.  And because He loves me, His plan is for my good and not evil…so even when things look not so good, the outcome will be good, for me.  Perhaps I will grow and learn from the painful experience and be able to minister to others, or perhaps I will be reminded that I am never out of God’s sight.

Little Tommy listened to his mom, accepted her comfort and hug, and ran off much lighter. I wonder how many times we never tell God our troubles, or never accept His comfort and hugs, sometimes given through His children.  Then that pride leads right down to depression and feeling miserable.

Note: I am not saying this is the cause of all depression, but I fear a whole lot of us feel miserable when we don’t have to and shouldn’t.

 

Opening Up a Can of Worms

Have you ever looked into your family history, stringing out more that one of those John begat Joseph who begat Jerry lists like the lineages we find in the Bible?  I mean have you done one of those searches that actually tell you what John and Joseph and Jerry actually did and who they were besides serving as your second or third of fourth great-grandfather?

A few years ago I did a little of that research and found my great-great grandfather and grandmother’s graves, John and Johanna Brennan.  It appears that they only lived a few more years in Bradford County, Pennsylvania after they emigrated from Ireland with some of their children – two sons who then fought in the American Civil War.

Then I checked out my mother’s line, in this country for centuries and found pharmacists, and bricklayers and photographers, and one wife-beater – remember that can of worms?

What came to me as I thought through what I have discovered through a few clicks of a mouse and what my daughter found with several more serious clicks and much research, was what would people discover about me? Would they see it as a can of worms, or would they be grateful for that kind of forbear.  I know I was encouraged to read about my forbear, Mary Amelia Hay, who was called a lady doctor, and who started the first post office, the first elementary school and the first boarding school and the first church in the settlement where she lived moved to do all of these things in Kansas back in the 1800’s. 

What evidence will there be of my faith, of my desire to honor God?  And how will thinking about this legacy I will leave affect the years before me, as God alone numbers our days?  Enough to write for the moment, more to think about!

Not Quite Healed, ways to help the sexually abused….and there are far too many of them – even in our churches.

Researchers have found that 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects. (https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/). Furthermore, men are generally so ashamed of their abuse, they too often never tell.

Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident; http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics  Again, self-report! How many fear telling?

As a college dean, I nearly left my job when six young women came to me separately and in a short period of time, relating their stories of sexual abuse within their Christian families and churches.  It seemed too great a burden, one that broke my heart and was outside of my early training. My colleague, the Dean of Men, could tell you similar stories.  The challenge was finding tools to help them.

Cecil Murphrey was one of the writers at the Montrose Christian Writers Conference, and he wrote, with Gary Roe, Not Quite Healed, 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Both men experienced childhood sexual abuse, but could not face nor deal with it until they were some decades distant from it.  As I read their stories, I could not help but think this is not just a book for men, it is a book for female abuse victims as well, for the families of abuse victims, and for people-helpers of any stripe.

Reading the book is like overhearing a dialogue as the two men share their stories, the long-term consequences of their abuse and what helped bring about the healing process. The 40 truths the title refers to include such topics as these: Why was I victimized? Where was God? Why do I feel responsible for others? Why did I believe the lies? Why do I need to forgive? And Why is forgiving so difficult?

I finished reading the book yesterday, and felt like I was a steward of all of the helpful information…especially knowing that the abuse of children has not stopped, and that there are far too many adults still suffering the consequences of their own abuse. 

So, if you have never experienced sexual abuse, praise God, but learn how you can be of help to those who have.  And if you have experienced sexual abuse, unwanted touches, childhood exposure to pornography (not that any exposure to pornography is not harmful), pressure to engage in sexual activity as a child, you will find this book helpful. 

The evil one has used shame, undeserved shame, for too long to keep abuse victims in prison, fearing that if they tell, they will certainly experience rejection and hurt others, and that does happen still. Nonetheless, the story does not have to end there.  It is true that everyone is not able to provide the help these hurting people need, but read this book, and be one of those who will help open the door to breaking down the shame lie and to healing and wholeness.  And once you have read the book, don’t think you have to go looking for people to help.  When the time is right, God will bring them to you..

 

Jesus and Others and You: It’s all Wrong!

You probably sang the song back in the day, when you were a kid.  Then you sang the song as an adult, thinking about the words this time, in a different way than you did as a kid.

Jesus and Others and You
Written by B. Metzger, 1951

Jesus and others and you
What a wonderful way to spell joy
Jesus and others and you
in the life of each girl and each boy
"J" is for Jesus for He has first place,
"O" is for others you meet face to face,
"Y" is for you, in whatever you do,
Put your self third and spell JOY.

And maybe you were like me, struggling with feelings of guilt when you considered doing something for yourself.  The problem is that I, and maybe you, have adopted some theology from your hymnology, and really believed you had to stay in third place.  After all, if you did not take care of everyone else’s needs first, you were selfish, and a bad person.
Here’s the rub: even God took a Sabbath!  Furthermore, we see Christ getting away from the crowds to rest and pray.  Finally in Matthew 11:28-30, we find these words, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

When my children were very small, I established “Mom’s chair.”  At first, it was the one they could see from their bedroom at nap time.  As long as I was in that chair, they had to stay in their beds.  Thankfully, they usually fell asleep waiting for me to get up.  Then as they got older, especially in Africa, Mom’s chair was in the living room, and when I was in that chair, they had to keep their feet off the floor.  They could read or color or play with Lego, ON THEIR BEDS! 

While I sat in “Mom’s chair” with my cup of coffee, my Bible and notebook, I rested; God and I rested together.  I don’t even know if they remember this, but I wanted them to know that my time with God was important.  I have to admit that it took a while for me to come up with this, especially since number two and three were only 15 months apart, and this was back in the cloth diaper era.  I could fold a lot of diapers or mop the floor or browse through a Family Circle magazine or even lose myself in a book while they napped, but I could not read my Bible and journal while they were awake…so this plan worked for me.

I just wanted to encourage you today, that if you are ever going to have the wherewithal to minister to others, you cannot put everyone else’s needs before your own.  Sometimes you just gotta have a “Mom’s” chair.

image borrowed from http://mzungofire.blogspot.com/2011/06/ryan-hall-attacks-morning.html

Now about roommates …

My husband asked me if this last week was a life-changer. Well he put it this way: “Do you think this conference will change the trajectory of your life?” And I guess I would have to say yes, and for a variety of reasons, but one significant motivator came through my roommate.

 

God gave me Grace Fabian as a roommate, an author, linguist and former missionary to Papua New Guinea. Grace’s husband and translation partner was murdered as he was translating I Corinthians 13, the love chapter.  It was only love for God and the people of Papua New Guinea that kept Grace in Papua New Guinea continuing to work on and finish the translation of the New Testament.  Her book Outrageous Grace is the story of not just the events of her life, but it also recounts her faith journey from her husband’s senseless murder leaving her with four children, and the accompanying grief and nightmare of decision-making – leave or stay, bitterness or forgiveness, depression or faith.

 

Our trials will probably not be exact parallels of hers, losing a mate in Papua New Guinea, but for sure, we will face similar challenges to our faith in different packaging. We will lose someone or something we love, and it will make us wonder how this can be God’s best for us.  We will face hours, maybe days when staying the course will seem impossible, and maybe not even something we want to do. But Grace will encourage you as she shares her journey.

 

Grace brought the final challenge of the week to us as writers, and I want to share a few thoughts from that message with you.  First, the theme for the week was the Silver Links in God’s Eternal Plan, and Grace asked us if our chain (of silver links) measures up to the tasks of life.

 

Think links as resources that we turn to as we face the roles we are called to play and the bumps and potholes we face on the road of life.  Who are the people who have the greatest influence in our lives?  Do they move us toward God and hope, or away?  What do we have in our minds; what have we read, listened to or seen and stored up?  Do we have lots of Scripture, encouraging words and events to remember that the Holy Spirit can bring back to our minds to enable us to navigate those potholes or battles?

 

And if those links are weak, like the link of a necklace compared to the links that connect a car to a tow truck, what are you going to do about it?  What relationships should change? What do you need to work on reading more closely or memorizing, so that it is available when you cannot think otherwise?  We do have choices to make, choices no one else can make for us.

 

Finally, Papua New Guinea forces foreign nationals to leave at the age of 65, but Grace did not retire to hobbies, though she does have them. She continues to steward the messages God has given her, touching lives through the spoken and written word.  I believe God gave me the perfect roommate encouraging me and all of us to be faithful to continue to speak and write, so that our last words are words that glorify God and are useful to Him.,

Road Trip Calling

First we were four: my younger sister Susan could scarcely walk when we were last all together living under the same roof; that was the year our brother left to serve in the military, and then we were three. Our oldest sister graduated from high school and was off to nurses training at Robert Packer Hospital a few years later, and then we were two.  It would be another 11 years before I left to go to college, and Susan was the only one left.  Oh, we all flitted back home or to reunions to spend a few hours together, two or three or even four of us, for a few hours, but not to spend even an overnight, all of us together ever again….until this last week.

My sisters and I all live within a couple of hours of each other; my brother lives in Virginia in the summer, an hour from Tennessee. The rest of the year he lives in Florida…a longer way away from us.  So, we three decided on a road trip to Virginia, the first time the three of us have spent such a long time together and in such confined circumstances, but you know what, it could not have gone better. And we had a great week at my brother’s, remembering.

First you have to understand that when my brother left, we may have been church goers Sunday mornings, but none of us had a relationship with God. But God who works in mysterious ways moved in our lives, and now the four of us share our faith in God. It may not seem like a big deal to you, to have siblings who know Christ, but it is a big deal to us.

To my knowledge, when my dad came back from the war, he never again set foot in church.  My mother had taught Sunday School in the Episcopal Church, had played the piano there, but her God was too lofty to know personally, and eventually she stayed home with my dad Sunday mornings. But God….He worked in each of us, through our circumstances, through our relationships, to eventually bring us all to Himself, and to each other in newer and deeper relationships.

This last week, I listened again to my brother pray, and even as I type this tears come to my eyes.  My brother is a man of God and has been used of God all over the world, through his life as a military man.  This last week it dawned on me, perhaps for the first time, that although Jim and I and our children served as missionaries in Africa for a period of time, my brother was a living messenger of God to the world, from Viet Nam to Hawaii to Iraq to Guam to California to Newfoundland…well, you get the idea.

The focus today is not to honor my brother, though he has a Bronze Star among other awards, (proud sister) but to praise God for His work in the life of our family.  I was reminded this last week how blessed we all are to know God and to have each other speaking the same faith language…and I am so thankful that road trips are not just for the young.

 

Freebies: dessert recipes!

A friend asked me for a specific recipe, so I thought I would post it here.  Before I tell you how to make it, you gotta know how versatile and practical it is.  First, it is gluten free for those who long for a sweet without regular flour.  Then, you can tint these cookies according to the season – red and green for Christmas, red and blue for July 4, pastels for Easter, well, you get the idea.  And the same goes for flavoring: green and mint go together well with mini-chocolate chips or use red coloring and crushed candy canes.  You can use mini M and Ms as well, and sprinkle with chocolate jimmies or colored sprinkles.

Oh, and make these when the rest of your baking is done.  You put them in a 350 preheated oven, then turn the oven off; leave them in it over night or at least five hours.  I like to store them in clear glass jars so everyone can see how pretty they are.

So here it goes for 2 dozen  Forgotten Cookies: You need 2 egg whites, ¼ teaspoon cream of tartar,  2/3 cup of sugar, 1 teaspoon of vanilla, ½ to 1 cup of chocolate chips (I like the mini kind).

Use a glass bowl or stainless steel, deep and narrow is good,  and clean of any kind of grease beaters.  Put the two egg whites into the bowl with the cream of tartar. Beat slowly for a few seconds to mix the cream of tartar in; then beat at top speed until the meringues will stand in stiff peaks.  (Any grease will keep the eggs from turning into meringue.

Very gradually, like a tablespoon at a time, add the sugar, continuing to beat at high speed.  When the sugar is all incorporated, add the vanilla and coloring and chocolate chips or M and M’s. This time, you don’t have to beat for very long, just to mix it all in.

Drop on cookie sheet covered with foil or parchment paper.  Put it in the oven, that you have turned off and fuggedaboutit.  (I was just trying to be smart!!)  Anyway leave it there for the five hours or overnight…Then put them in your airtight container, and enjoy.  No flour and not a lot of sugar. And\ this doubles well – color half the meringue one color and the other another, if you wish

Key  Lime Pie

You need a graham cracker crust.  Mix on high till smooth: 1 tablespoon lime zest, (or not, it won’t kill the pie, just improve it), ½ lime juice, 2 egg yolks (from the meringue maybe), and 1 can (14oz) sweetened condensed milk. Pour into crust and bake at 350 for 15 minutes.  Remove from oven and allow to cool, then refrigerate for at least an hour.  I made this first in Africa using lemons, and it quickly became a favorite.  You can top it with dollops of whipped cream and a half slice of lemon or lime or some zest. 
These two recipes can be made the same day – the pie first, then the cookies, so you don’t waste the yolks or whites.

Now, how does this fit in with what I normally write here?  Simple, God calls us to love one another, to use our gifts to bless one another, and I love to cook and bake and write, so there you are.  I hope these recipes make for you the great memories our family has of them.

 The image of the cookies came from pinterest.