So what says love to him?

You know how in Titus 2 it says that older women are to teach younger women to love their husbands; well, I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately.

It’s one thing to tell young women to love their husbands;  it is another thing to tell them how, and that is where I think the dating thing matters.  It takes a while to get to know someone, and if your relationship is based only on dating as a couple, and not spending time with your families as a couple, you miss a it.  And if your relationship is based on the kind of dates where you ski or go to movies or play video games (people do that, you know)  together, and never spend time with your families, especially during holidays, you miss opportunities to learn what says love to him.

Generally speaking, we learn much of what we know or feel about love from what we have observed, either wanting more of the same or knowing we don’t.  So, if you want to know what says love to him, watch how his mother loves his father.  That sets up certain expectations.  They have normalized certain behaviors for him.  And if he came from a bad environment, bad marital situations, you can still both learn what works and what doesn’t.

Certainly, as I said a couple of days ago, respect goes a long way toward showing him that you love him, but so does learning some recipes from his mother – even if you don’t personally like those particular dishes.  I am not fond of lima beans, but he grew up eating beans on a regular basis, and they speak comfort to him.  So, I make lima beans, and I don’t whine about it, and I have learned to enjoy them, in small quantities.  But I learned that by eating with him at his house…

My pastor tells the story about their first Christmas.  As a young pastor, he wanted to keep Christmas holy, not tainted by pagan Christmas trees.  It wasn’t until Christmas eve that he recognized how meaningful the tradition of Christmas trees was to his wife.  Believe it or not, he called the local hardware store owner, obviously not one of those big box stores, to get a Christmas stand, and trekked out in the cold and dark to search for a “Charley Brown” Christmas tree.  Somehow he missed this bit in their dating.

I guess it all boils down to this: if you want to know what says love to him, you can read all the books and listen to people like me, but you really have to, if it is at all possible, watch his parents interact.  Learn how they show love successfully, and build some of that into your life.  If you can’t watch them, just ask him what you can do to show him that you love him.  You may have to give him some suggestions – like asking him what his favorite dishes are, or whether he likes you sitting with him while he studies or works (you are just keeping him company here), or whether it is important that you iron his shirts. (You can learn to enjoy ironing by using that time to pray and by using that time thinking about what you love about him.)

 I don’t know what says love for him, but you need to find out.

 photo from http://www.bubblews.com/news/960525-clothes-iron-episode