Psalm 51:3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
David committed what we would surely label a "Biggie," adultery and then murder - his actions directly were responsible for Uriah's death. But Jesus says in Matthew 5 that even thinking about a woman lustfully is the same thing as committing adultery. So are we any less guilty than David was. How may sinful thoughts have we entertained?
And then how much time have we spent mourning over our sin? I try to thank God for answering prayer with the same fervency and frequency with which I made the request. I can think of some requests this school year that I made to God and then how I tried to thank God every morning remembering His kindness and mercy.
But I would be dishonest if I told you I had spent an equal amount of time mourning my sin as I have committing it. And as I think of sin, I think of all the daily misses, that's what sin is, a missing of the mark. God calls us to holiness, and I fear I have dragged Him through a lot of unholiness without even thinking about it, whether it is by participating in an unloving conversation, watching a TV show or movie that is not edifying, or indulging in envy. The point is God has called us to holiness and in my selfishness, I have taking Him to some ugly places....and then taken His forgiveness for granted.
I think that is an issue for me today - taking God for granted. He is God, after all. He has loved me while I was yet in my sin...and continues to love me. He paid the price for all my sin, and I forget the enormity of it all. Perhaps His call to me today is not just to mourn over specific sin, but to be more intentional about remembering His presence...even in my head.
II Samuel 12:22-23 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
David fasted and wept before God begging God for mercy. I wonder if inherent in David's pleading was that deep regret for the sin that led to this child's birth and the knowledge that he did not deserve what he was asking for, and that he could only beg for God's grace.
And when his request was not answered in exactly the way he wanted, David accepted God's will. He went on about life. The next verse tells us he comforted his wife, and he "lay with her." I think about the comfort God designed a married couple to experience in the act of love-making....and God blessed them with another son, this son conceived within the marriage. I wonder if this was somehow a sign of God's forgiveness to David.
The point is, the "man after God's own heart" grieved his sin and accepted God's response to his prayers. He accepted God's response. To me that is so powerful. When God doesn't give me, us, what we ask for, how easy is it to question God's goodness, his faithfulness, his kindness? He is God after all, yet we think we have the right or place to judge His actions. Perhaps that is the challenge of David's life; he was human. He did wander, got carried up in his own passions, but he returned with mourning to God's embrace.
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