II Samuel 18:33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you--O Absalom, my son, my son!"
What tragic and agonizing words, an earthly father grieves his son's death! But his grief even preceded his son's death as he mourned the path of his son's life, his rebellion and what it had cost and would cost, both to the son and the father.
Then I wonder at the grief we cause to our heavenly father! He loves us with a perfect love, the kind of love that caused him to redeem us at the cost of his own Son's death, his own death in reality because it is one God in three persons. The Father and the Son in my behalf endured agony...I say agony in search of a word for deep inexpressible pain.
He suffered it over and over - feeling it in anticipation of the cross, just as we feel pain in anticipation of a loss - they call it anticipatory grief. Then He suffers it daily as we make wrong choices - choices that God knows will cause us pain and will separate us from sweet fellowship with Him.
I wonder if we take for granted our forgiveness, well, God's forgiveness. I wonder if we take for granted the cross and what it cost. We sin, and we call it a mistake. We may even suffer the consequences of our own sinful words or deeds, but I wonder if we even think about the daily cost to God of our sin - the grief we cause Him to feel.
I remember, with deep regret, hurtful words uttered to my mother, knowing now the heart pain I caused her. I didn't know then the truth of her words. I thought the seventeen-year-old me might know better. And as a parent, I now appreciate the pain I caused her. And I begin to have a glimpse of the daily pain I cause my heavenly Father when I go off on my own.
David called out, "If only I had died instead of you." God through Jesus did die for me, and I ask Him today one more time, to forgive how cavalierly I have handled that amazing gift.
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