Psalms 55:12-14 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.
Yesterday I sat with my counterpart in a group of students attempting to sort out the truth in a we said/they said situation. Was it possible that both accounts were accurate as perceptions, rather than accurate as reality? Was it possible that one group was honest in what they thought they saw but inaccurate as to what actually happened because of the distance they were from the other group?
My counterpart told the group that though in our role as deans we had been lied to before, we were in earnest, for their sake, to sort out what was true. We knew that our search for not only truth, but for what was best for all involved would/had in the past not enhance our popularity with the students. We also knew that we willingly suffered the possibility of being misunderstood and ultimately rejected was worth the possibility that God might use us and what we said for His glory and their good.
I must say that this ministry with college students does test your heart; you build into their lives, directly and indirectly. You pray for them and those who minister to them. You make many personal sacrifices in their behalf, and then you feel the betrayal and pain of the choices some make that you know will lead only to destruction of some sort. All that you thought you had taught them seems to be a waste, forgotten in their pursuit of false and temporary immediate satisfaction.
So yesterday, in more than one situation, I felt that pain - of betrayal. Today I read this passage and am reminded of the pain I cause my heavenly Father when I betray Him, when I seek a moment's pleasure at the cost of His smile of approval. I think of how I wrestled sleeplessly over the future of several students this week, and then I bow my head in shame over the pain and grief I cost my Father.
These words from today's meditations, "Yet, typically a major incident of betrayal is but the final act in an ongoing series of deceptions about the true nature of the relationship," remind me that my selfishness indulged started much earlier than the moment of self-pity. It started back when I took my eyes off from my Father, off from His guidance, when I forgot to include Him or recognize His presence every where I go.
Oh Father, forgive me my betrayal of you
This post was so timely - even when I read it there are situations in my mind that I am wrestling with. I have been on my knees for many in the past weeks - some over hurts that they have caused because of sin in their life, and some because they are in a sin-cursed world and are living with the consequences of it.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I am reminded, as you said, of the many times I grieve the Lord with choices I make and realize how much I need to utilize "the power that raised Christ from the dead" in my own life...such sobering thoughts. Thank you.