Genesis 27: 41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him.
I've been thinking about this on and off for hours - the idea of grudges. Smith's emphasis is on parents showing favoritism and the grudges between siblings. However, other grudge possibilities came to me, the kind that adults, and Christian adults have and rationalize.
Even in adulthood, Christian adulthood, we can find occasion for temptation in this area- another believer gets a promotion we want, a nicer home, a husband, attention of any kind. Suddenly we find ourselves either thinking, I don't like that person, or that person certainly doesn't deserve that, and we avoid them. We may not be conscious of it, but in reality we are building a grudge that we hang on to.
And exactly what is a grudge? It sort of boils down very simply to hatred; it certainly is a long way from love, and that is what we are called to do to each other. I remember when I was sorely tempted in this area. This other person did some things that made me look very bad, but everyone else seemed to love this person. I found myself growing bitter, and finally confessed it to God, asking for help.
I believe his Spirit led me to think about life through this other person's eyes, instead of my own. What a lesson God taught me as I began to listen carefully to this person, paying attention to all the burdens this person carried. The temptation to bitterness, to grudge-holding evaporated, replaced by God-given love.
To Smith's message, I do believe many of us adults walk around with shackles on our legs, our hearts, as we rehearse perceived or real inequities from our childhood, hurtful words and injustices. What I think we fail to realize is that we are the ones who continue to hurt ourselves into adulthood. The person who offended us as a child is long gone, but every time we rehearse the words or the events of our childhood, we become the offender, piercing our own hearts. The grudge, the bitterness has become the knife we turn toward ourselves.
Instead, perhaps when those memories occur, we might use that as an occasion to thank God for his presence and deliverance through and from that time, for revealing himself to us. We might thank him for the truth that he, the God who breathed all of creation into existence, loves us as an individual person, that his love gives us value - he gave the life of his son to redeem us.
I said once that I believe the Lord's Prayer is for our good, not God's, because it is a rehearsal of the reality of the who God is, the one who loves us. In a similar way, we can turn this pain from our past into something good, a reminder of whose we are now and who is looking out for us now.
I had a hard time relating to Smith's challenge to think of what we might still be holding onto from childhood - probably because I have already worked through that a while ago, but I do relate well to what you mentioned, Carol. Most of the grudges that have haunted me have come as an adult.
ReplyDeleteThis is where a daily examination is so important in order to release those things that cannot be resolved or go to those who we may need to talk with to make it right.
I remember times growing up when I would realize that life wasn't always fair. It was like cold water in my face when I understood that adults made mistakes and people made sinful choices. When you're a kid, you're pretty naive!
ReplyDeleteGrudges and jealousy come when I lose sight of the blessings God has given me. Suddenly, as I see someone who has something I want, I forget what I have. And when someone does something to me that I think isn't "fair," I conveniently excuse my own selfishness.
I've made myself practically sick over rough patches in my relationships with people. I hate when things aren't right between me and someone I care about. Holding a grudge simply isn't worth it.