January 16 When Marriage is Dangerous

Genesis 36:2 Esau took his wives from the women of Canaan.

The emphasis here is on marriage partners – the influence the one can have on the other, and the risks that occur when one partner is not a believer. Smith also points out the ripple effects over time when one marriage partner is not a believer.

All of this is true. And it is important to choose a marriage partner carefully, to choose someone who loves God and demonstrates that love by the path of life they choose. I have worked with college students for over 25 years, and I cannot count the number of men and women who married in what looked more like desperation than wisdom. They so feared being alone, that they compromised their values. The ending was not pretty.

As I reflected on what happened to Esau, I thought about how a young couple doesn’t get married, generally either in a vacuum or without spending time together. I speak of both of these issues because I think both are important.

First the vacuum thing: few people meet and date and get engaged without others knowing about it. The issue for us as believers is this: what do we say, as a church or as individual believers, to people we see involved in unequal (one a believer and one not, or one not living in accordance with their words) relationships? Do we lovingly confront them or share our concerns? Or do we so fear losing our relationship with them that we “let it go” and perhaps too long?

I know we cannot be responsible to dissuade young people from their ultimate choice, but we do need to enable them to make an informed choice.

Then, the spending time together thing: the more we allow or encourage young people to build close relationships with the unbeliever, especially of the opposite sex, the more likely they are to deepen those relationships and be influenced by them.

Then I must go back to the fear thing – people of any age fearing being alone and desperately seeking a mate. Somehow I feel that there is a big vacuum here as well. People believe that marriage at all costs is preferable to trusting God for company, for leading. As I reflect on some of my former students, I grieve because, despite being in Bible College, they still didn’t get it. God loves them as individuals ,and the plan he has for their lives is for their good and not evil. But they don’t believe it, personally.

I wonder again, if this is a by-product of the noise in our world. We have so much noise, so much to do and see, that we do not savor the presence of God. Instead we long for the cheap imitation – the presence of another human. Oh, I am not saying every woman who is married has settled for a cheap imitation of God, but I wonder how many have.